Tag: reverent masculinity

My daughter’s pediatrician has a television streaming non-stop in the waiting room, which puts me off a bit. But, I have been blessed with its introduction of Bluey into my life. Boy, this show is awesome for dads like me, seeking to be involved parents but lacking in great role models for modern fatherhood

Bluey is an Australian heeler dog (which I am sure is an incredibly popular breed right now), and on her show (yes, it’s a girl, which surprises many) she is found playing imaginatively with her family. Not baseball, or soccer, or just dolls, but imaginative games with multiple layers, morals, lessons, and directions. For a person as literal as I am, understanding the origins and benefits of this has been a real challenge, but is paying off.

Bluey’s dad, Bandit, is considered the star of the show by most dads, because he is the dad. And he is an awesome father figure: playing games all the time, doing laundry, changing nappies, going grocery shopping, and roughhousing. I was jealous of him, until I accepted he is a dog, a cartoon, and fictional. He carries a message of reverent masculinity. He is undoubtedly loving to his wife and children, but also rough, strong, patient, and creative. There is a sense he is growing into himself as a parent and person, which is admirable. I have been trying to incorporate his techniques into my parenting, with success. And here are a few comments on how I currently parent like Bandit:

-Make like it’s an improv show, and don’t say no. When my daughter calls me a “baby daddy”, the concept is that I am dressed as and capable like a baby, but also a dad. Weird, but I can do it for a little while.

-Bring kids on everything. We got an oil change last Saturday. My daughter loved watching the people working on cars, and is fascinated by the staircase into the dark basement. We’ll probably build an oil change shop with legos this week.

-If a task is difficult, try reframing it into something fantastical and ridiculous. Putting on snowpants became “giant worm attack”. Doesn’t make any sense, because worms are not shaped like tubes, but it got her snowpants on.

I am very curious to see how this plays out as my daughter ages, and whether her imaginative side remains. I am curious whether my ability to play imaginatively will develop as well, but hopeful that it will. I’ll probably have to watch more Bluey.

Last week I utterly failed the “Ted Lasso Test”. In a famous scene from the show, Ted implores a villain to be curious, not judgmental as he walks through life. My car was getting worked on, and I needed a haircut. I was in a blue collar part of town, and I walked to a barber shop. Upon entering, they informed me that I needed an appointment. “Ridiculous!” I internally pronounced, walking to the next establishment. I walked in, seeing one patron sitting, three barbers at work, and three men getting their haircut.

Again, I was told I should have an appointment, but one barber, who seemed to be running the show, told me he thought he had a cancellation and could get me in, suggesting I take a seat. “Who are these people?” I thought. “It’s 10:30 on a Friday morning, why can’t I get a haircut?” I set to do some work, and waited.

On the walls were mock guns, and some model motorcycles were sitting on shelves. And there was a lot of conversation, with no television or radio. The crowd was very diverse, with black, white, Arab, and Latino patrons and barbers. As I sat, and listened, I realized why this particular barber shop was so damn popular.

One man shared a story about how his son was bullied at school, which was the impetus for both of them training in Jiu-Jitsu. His son ultimately had a confrontation which led to him first refraining from using his skills, then employing them such that he never got bullied again. Another man brought in food to share with other patrons, with detailed instructions on reheating. And finally, while the barber was cutting my hair, he shared stories about his family’s pregnancy loss, which tore at my heart. This was more than a barbershop, it was therapy.

There were no photos of scantily clad women on the wall, no racial slurs, no shit talking. This was positive, or reverent masculinity, at its finest. Men wanting to be good and look good. Men wanting to be men, not boys. I loved it, and will be back. More importantly, the haircut looked great. Most importantly, I learned my lesson, and will try to be curious, not judgmental, wherever I go.