Last week I utterly failed the “Ted Lasso Test”. In a famous scene from the show, Ted implores a villain to be curious, not judgmental as he walks through life. My car was getting worked on, and I needed a haircut. I was in a blue collar part of town, and I walked to a barber shop. Upon entering, they informed me that I needed an appointment. “Ridiculous!” I internally pronounced, walking to the next establishment. I walked in, seeing one patron sitting, three barbers at work, and three men getting their haircut.

Again, I was told I should have an appointment, but one barber, who seemed to be running the show, told me he thought he had a cancellation and could get me in, suggesting I take a seat. “Who are these people?” I thought. “It’s 10:30 on a Friday morning, why can’t I get a haircut?” I set to do some work, and waited.

On the walls were mock guns, and some model motorcycles were sitting on shelves. And there was a lot of conversation, with no television or radio. The crowd was very diverse, with black, white, Arab, and Latino patrons and barbers. As I sat, and listened, I realized why this particular barber shop was so damn popular.

One man shared a story about how his son was bullied at school, which was the impetus for both of them training in Jiu-Jitsu. His son ultimately had a confrontation which led to him first refraining from using his skills, then employing them such that he never got bullied again. Another man brought in food to share with other patrons, with detailed instructions on reheating. And finally, while the barber was cutting my hair, he shared stories about his family’s pregnancy loss, which tore at my heart. This was more than a barbershop, it was therapy.

There were no photos of scantily clad women on the wall, no racial slurs, no shit talking. This was positive, or reverent masculinity, at its finest. Men wanting to be good and look good. Men wanting to be men, not boys. I loved it, and will be back. More importantly, the haircut looked great. Most importantly, I learned my lesson, and will try to be curious, not judgmental, wherever I go.