Many people find meditating independently difficult, but are successful when they do so in a small group. And the notion of collective meditation has roots in many spiritual and secular traditions. I have been fortunate to attend many groups, and lead two.

Most meetings are successful, because they are collections of people who want to slow down their thinking, listen deeply, learn and grow. But unfortunately, not everyone is in that same frame of mind, all the time. A meditation group I once led fell apart after my departure, largely because of the presence of a man who frequently emailed diatribes on social and science issues which expressed disdain for those who disagreed with him. I can only imagine what his contributions were during the discussion period.

After that experience, setting up a new group in a new parish, I knew norms were essential for a productive, if not always positive, experience for everyone. My teacher training and experience facilitating discussions with students informed this process, as high school students are impressive in their need for guard rails in discussion. And since my current group has norms, we have had valuable contributions from a committed group of men diverse in age, family structure, and meditative experience.

The agenda is as follows:

-Open with prayer: The Our Father
-Meditation, guided or silent, led by group facilitator
-Short break ~4 minutes
-Share-outs: Everyone should share their name at a minimum, and if they wish, what has been working on them spiritually, emotionally, professionally, or personally over the last week.
-Discussion of book chapter or reading.
-Closing prayer: The Hail Mary

Generally, the meeting is 90 minutes. Each component has its own norms, important for very specific reasons.

-For the opening, it is expected that people are in the room when the meeting begins. Zoom meetings have alleviated this, but meditation is difficult when unexpected disturbances are occurring in the physical space.

-During the meditation, is is expected that everyone does the same form/style of meditation. This provides a more coordinated environment to pray.

-Share-outs should not be responded to or followed by clarifying questions. Every person should have the opportunity to share without judgement, evaluation, or feedback, but simply share to share. The world we live in is full of reaction, and the person sharing can access that in a multitude of ways. Those listening will benefit from learning to listen without reacting, but can reach out to others after the meeting if they so wish.

-The discussion of a spiritual text has the most norms, including, but not limited to: 1.) Take space, make space. If everyone generally knows how you feel about things, try to adopt a posture of listening, and if you tend not to share, please try to have your voice heard.
2.) We live on spiritual time, not social or political time. If you want a politically charged discussion of today’s politics, you can access that in many other places. That said, if a particular politically charged issue is front and center in your personal daily life, please feel free to discuss this.
3.) Listen to understand, not to react.

People generally get the idea when these norms are stated, and might initially tiptoe around the second one. The norm does not mean no political issue can be discussed, but this is not a political complaint-fest. However, if your family are undocumented immigrants, your concerns over how immigrants are portrayed by politicians might be of very personal import, and is valuable for others to hear.

Most importantly for the facilitator is the following: Create a time convenient for most, stick to it, and email people about 3 days beforehand with a reminder. Once it becomes a habit in peoples’ lives, it becomes much easier. There is no time that is perfect for everyone, but just having it will assist in people attending.