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Attraction and Aversion

It happens to everyone when they meditate, an urging for food, sex, a cigarette, or some other attractive item. Or, one’s foot gets tired, things get boring, or an obligation pops up in the mind. Some are attractions, others are aversions, but both are, at their root, exactly the same in their role in meditation. They are distractions at the time of meditation, and learning to identify and move on from these is paramount to our success at meditation.

I began meditating outside of a Christian context, which has been a real blessing to my spiritual progress. While I cannot claim faith in every aspect of Buddhist religion, the truth contained in some components and priorities of Buddhist philosophy is extremely helpful in meditation practice. My first meditation retreat, led by Rebecca Bradshaw, focused on Vipassana meditation and Metta meditation. But what stuck with me the most was her message on attraction and aversion, summarized in her own experiences.

She is an extremely calm and peaceful woman, and she humorously testified that during one of her first long meditation retreats, the grounds crew cut the grass every Wednesday, always at around the same time in the morning. This coincided with a meditation session, and led to a storm of emotions brewing inside of her every Wednesday morning, which included resentment, disdain, and anger at the grounds crew for interrupting her precious meditation time. She thought about why they could not possibly cut the grass at on a different schedule! Aversion, in full view.

During the same long retreat, she mentioned that every day, while meditating she thought ravenously about lunch. She thought about other things, but the excitement and anticipation of lunch was very engaging, and a target of curiosity and desire. And after lunch, thought, consideration, and concern about the next day’s lunch arose. Attraction, strutting through her thoughts.

She skillfully explained to us that while one was attraction and the other aversion, they both were introducing themselves into her thoughts, and were fixations of her ego onto a situation she wanted to be different: the mowers off, and the lunch in front of her. And both sought to divert her from being present, and from experiencing the moment as it was.

John Main describes thoughts and images as “distractions at the time of meditation”. Surely, thoughts and images will arise while we meditate. And the issue is not that these are all “bad”, or even matters we should not deal with. But during meditation we can label our attractions and aversions as such, set them aside, and simply be with ourselves. Later posts will address what to do with persistent or patterned attractions and aversions, but here we will leave it at simply identifying.

Dealing with the Hard Parts

Seemingly every day I receive a news story about a celebrity who meditates every day. And interestingly, this practice is peddled and marketed through expensive apps and classes which frame meditation as a solution to all of life’s problems. It is post-post-modernism at its finest. A reality is that if you start meditating, you will likely discover problems you did not even know you had, and never wanted to address. And virtually none of these problems are solved by purchasing an app or paying a consultant.

Meditation has increased dramatically in popularity in the past few years, especially due to the coronavirus pandemic. And while this is largely good, it is worth discussing the entirety of the meditative experience- why meditation could be good for you, and why it can be challenging or difficult. Physical exercise often feels good, until we get out of breath or experience soreness the next couple of days. Meditation can be similar, and can lead to fear, confusion, pain, or confrontation. Examining and evaluating our own thoughts can be triggering and off-putting.

And very rarely is this reality addressed, like it is in the world of fitness. I am sure many people are dissuaded from continuing with meditation because it is hard, and the celebrity/Instagram/”water is harder than rock” philosophical culture surrounding it confuses folks, makes it appear easy, and ultimately alienates newer practitioners.

This is a really complicated topic, because unlike muscle soreness, there are so many ways meditation can become difficult. I will later post about more detailed strategies. But the most common reason I see people dissuaded from meditation in a secular or non-theistic context is a failure to consider attraction and aversion as two sides of the same coin. In a spiritual context I find it is a failure to acknowledge Jesus as a non-dualistic religious teacher, which is roughly the same thing.

For Christians in particular, this is quite confusing, as most religious education comes in the form of good-evil, right-wrong, sin-virtue, God-devil format. But as Richard Rohr states in Falling Upward, Jesus was the first non-dualistic religious thinker in Western philosophy, but Catholics and thus Protestants have been handed him filtered through a dualistic, “enlightened” lens. We need to rediscover his non-dualistic philosophy, and that will support our meditative practice.

To start, let’s examine that attraction-aversion issue. Here is a comment from a person struggling with meditation:

I’ve been meditating consistently for about a month now. Fifteen minutes first thing in the morning just focusing on my breath, returning back to it if I notice my mind wandering. A month later, my mind is just as tameless as it was when I’d first started out. My mind wanders like 75% of the time (during meditation and in real life). Makes me question if this is even worth doing anymore.

Let’s be honest, this person is doing great. They get it. But she or he is attracted to the idea of having a monk-like focus and attitude, and averse to their brain’s patterning and habits. It is okay! But we owe this person to be explicit about the nature of attraction and aversion. If he or she learns to notice this attraction and aversion, and refrain from engaging with it, they could make great progress. I will write a more detailed post about these specific tactics in the future.

How does Christianity enter into this, particularly Jesus’ non-dualism? Refraining from examining every issue in a dualistic, judgmental, attraction/aversion lens is part of the Christian message. Consider the woman accused of adultery in the Gospel of John. She broke Mosaic law, and according to the local customs and “law of God”, was to be stoned. But Jesus neither condoned her actions, nor advocated for the law to be enacted: he followed a non-dualistic approach to the situation, which gave her life, and forced her accusers to reflect on theirs. Examples like these abound in the Gospels, and we will return to them in other posts.

To summarize, meditation is not as easy as it is marketed. But the first real “lesson” many who practice need to recognize is that attraction and aversion tug us from our initial purpose in meditation. And overcoming that is extremely valuable. And for Christians exploring their spiritual life through meditation, additionally acknowledging Jesus as a non-dualistic teacher can make a massive difference in mindset and outlook.

Meditation is Community Building

Most days, I try to offer one person advice on meditation on the website Reddit. I think of it as a small service for discovering this practice over a decade ago, and an important step in providing others a strong future.

By far, the most common advice I can offer people is to find a small group with which to meditate. Whether folks are just getting started, looking for a new level of understanding, or confused about some phenomenon arising in their practice, group helps. Meditation itself builds community, and a small, caring group of mindful people are immeasurably beneficial in supporting each other in the journey to consciousness and awareness. In Buddhism, this is referred to as Sangha, the supportive community which assists in cultivating wisdom and achieving enlightenment.

I have no idea why this is, and like many things associated with meditation, it is paradoxical. We meditate alone, without talking, or interacting, but for some reason we benefit when we do it together, silently, and then possibly have a conversation about it. It might be accountability, since you are likely not going to get up and start cleaning the room when you are surrounded by 11 silent people. It may be the sense of feeling supported and part of a group, which can lead individuals to doing extraordinary things. Or it may have something to do with the nature of humanity, that we operate as mirrors to each other, and we actually drill deeper into our true selves when we are collaborating together.

If you are searching for a group, I advocate two things: make sure the group provides to you as well as asks, and make sure you feel energized by meetings, and not drained.

-There is risk in joining anything, and a meditation group is no different. But most groups will ask that you show up on time, follow some norms, and perhaps contribute a small amount of money to fund their space. Most religions have a meditation tradition, and are welcoming to those who believe differently, but are willing to practice similarly. If the group insists you follow only their teachings, or practice only their way, this is a red flag. But if you join a meditation group, make sure to practice at least the meditation the same way, as it is discordant to the group for you to do your own thing, even silently. Think of their meditation tradition as being provided to you.

-As for the meetings, expect them to energize you. While you will likely disagree with some of the people in your group, they may provide a contrast which offers you wisdom. Attending should not be exhausting, regardless of your personality type or preferences.

Jesus was very clear about these benefits, stating, “For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them” [Matthew 18:20]. There is a holy presence when we meditate together, so go out and seek it!

Meditation is Revelatory

Across Christian denominations and traditions, there is tremendous diversity in practice and dogma. But most Christians believe that the Lord has a plan for each of us, and that the Lord wants to communicate with us. Meditation is an incredibly powerful vehicle for this, but many Christians do not engage in this practice (though surprisingly many do!).

John Main’s meditation instructions are a simple and beautiful way to start meditating. The effort is in continuously returning to the mantra, “Maranatha”, which translates to “Come, Lord”. What I would like to focus on here is a particular phrase which is important to those who are beginning to meditate and often overlooked, “If thoughts or images come, these are distractions at the time of meditation“.

Thoughts or images always come to mind. And they are distractions, but during the time of meditation. When you are new to this practice, explicitly return to your mantra from your distractions during your meditation, but after your designated time for meditating, try to write them down. Some will be trivial such as hunger, some will be recurring, and some might be enlightening or revelatory. This should not be a stressful activity of recollection, but rather a reflective activity which reveals what occupies our subconcious throughout the day. You may just find it helps you be a better Christian.

How to Start Meditating

Ahhhh the classic how to meditate post. There are thousands of these on the internet, much like there are thousands of how to exercise posts and videos. I will advocate two principles before pointing to the details.

-Meditation is like exercise, there are varying levels of complexity from simple jogging to Olympic lifts. If you have never exercised in years, no one should advocate you start doing weighted squats and clean and jerks. Just start with a brief jog.

-That said, jogging for 2 hours is a very tough workout, for most anyone. The duration we try to meditate is analogous to the number or repetitions one does of a workout. So, take it easy with about 10 minutes per day to start, and ramp up. Most monastic religious do between 20 minutes to one hour of silent prayer per day. Some do much more.

Because of these two principles, I suggest using John Main’s “How to meditate in 128 words.” It is super simple, super effective, and can explode with insights. I don’t want to describe it, since he deserves the attention and praise, but I will discuss and offer commentary.

Personally, it is not my favorite way to meditate, but that is okay. Jogging is definitely not my favorite exercise, but I do it. When I lead a small group, we do John Main’s practice to start. It is revelatory, beneficial, and community building. I will explore each of those themes in future posts.

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